Sunday, June 14, 2015

Self-administered CPR... Creative Paralysis Resuscitation

This is the most difficult writing task that I have ever undertaken. It arrives "out of the blue" really... because for two weeks and a bit, I really believed that I had no ability or further desire to either write... or paint. To put is quite succinctly, I found myself overwhelmed and in a complete state of emotional and creative disarray. The worst part of this situation was that the cause lay beyond my own physical ability to rally my own forces and interior resolve to deal with this upheaval. It came from without... suddenly and without warning.

Allison appeared with her Mom at our home in Rockport and I could tell immediately from their faces and body language that something terrible was shared by them both. It was only when my wee Allison fell into my arms and blurted,,, " I have breast cancer Dad and I"m so scared." With those eight utterly devastating words... our lives have changed beyond belief... both for Now and forever. For the treacherous shadow of that dreaded "c" word has perched on each of our shoulders and has taken us away from a now faraway life of taken-for-granted health and mortal safety.

 Our Family is a strong and unusually loving one... as I have always related in my open and often too personal posts. At this point of writing... we have as a family unit moved somewhat quickly through the initial stages of fear... grief and anger. These are necessary emotional human responses... but must not be embraced wholly for any length of time. Time is more precious than ever now... and the use of it a major factor in striking back quickly with a capable medical team and a battle plan... which we are greatly blessed to have in place already.

Tests were rapidly sped up and showed positive and encouraging results... in-service workshops have been attended by Allie, Joan and I to create personal knowledge and understanding of the disease... and its path of treatment. We have already successfully passed through the first chemotherapy treatment ... together... which will be the format for all other necessary treatments. Deb keeps the fort here at the Gallery. "We"are... a committed Family in every respect.... and like the Musketeers... "We are all for one... and one for all !"

Needless to say... this insidious situation has created far-reaching effects and implications. For me personally... "I" have suffered creative "arrest." This paralysis hearkens back to a very dark and destructive time in my own past. I have rarely been visited by it since that period now twenty odd years passed. In reflecting upon this very problem each morning during my 5:00 am meditation-prayer sunrise ritual... I formed a pact to use the strategy which freed me and returned me to the path of healing "way back when". I must paint!

Yesterday... I set up my tabletop set up in the Gallery and set to work on a small 8x10 inch canvas... a replica of one which I had earlier gifted to Allison/ She had asked me weeks ago if I might consider doing a small copy of this painting for a good friend of hers who admired it every time that she came to the house. Her husband had very recently passed away from cancer and Allie felt it might give her a lift. I rarely... if ever wish to paint a subject a second time... and never exactly the same.

This three pronged reason to paint "resuscitated"... and fueled me to get back into the saddle. I was painting for my Self... for Allie and for her friend. The subject was a place near our home where Allison, Andrew and I went to paint together when they were very young children. It is a lovely stone church in historic Barriefield Village... an idyllic place to paint... heightened by the intense lilac perfume which comes from the walls of lilac that bloom in May along the full length of "Lilac Row".

 I hesitated to post to protect Allie's privacy... but she insisted that I keep posting because it was something that I contributed to the lives of so may blogging artist friends. One of her own friends Jill had posted on Face Book two days ago... a message of tribute and support for Allison Sherman. It literally went viral overnight... and to my knowledge (though I do not have a face Book connection) has raised over $6000 to help alleviate any extra expenses that she might face because of her financially precarious adjunct professorship status at Queen's University - such a travesty for such a generous... dedicated and respected young woman scholar!

If you felt inclined... I would be greatly honoured if you might at least visit and read the tribute to Allison... and the comments that have been accompanied by generosity. This magnificent gesture lends ample proof to my earlier words and continuing belief that;

" Family ... Friends... Children and Art matter!"

I would as well appreciate your thoughts and prayers for our family. Sorry for the delay in posting... but life can... and does get in the way! First things first.

"I" love "You"... forever Allison... and am with "You" ... ALWAYS!
XXXXXOOOOOXXXXX

That means Family and Friends for "Me"!

Good Painting!... to ALL!!!!



Original 20 x 24 inch canvas


"Lilac Liturgy" (copy) oil on canvas 8 x 10 inches

18 comments:

  1. I do not know your daughter, but know about how cancer can scare the pants off you and anger you and cause you to sit in one place and be unable to move, physically and mentally. I am glad you are a strong family and know you will be with her every step of the way - please let her know that even strangers are holding her in the light of prayer and good thoughts always until she comes through this thing and has nothing to do but think about what's on the other side - it truly changes you and those around you. My thoughts are with you all - stay strong but allow yourself to be weak when needed because sometimes a good cry is necessary, too :)

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  2. Thanks for your visit and consoling words Rhonda! Both are very much appreciated. I will pass along your encouragement to my family and to Allison in particular.

    Good Painting!
    Warmest regards,
    Bruce

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  3. Bruce...both paintings are lovely!

    I know your fear all too well. I have to tell you, though, that there has been great advances in the treatment of breast cancer. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family on this journey.

    Best wishes, Allison, for a speedy recovery!

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  4. Thank you Wendy for your thoughtful and encouraging thoughts and response!

    I will pass along your thoughts and prayers to Allison and other family members!

    Warmest regards,
    Bruce

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  5. Hi Bruce, I'm sorry to hear such bad news. Please pass on my best wishes to Allison for good treatment and a speedy recovery.

    I'm glad you've chosen to paint your way through this. You need some way to deal with the stress and worry, and I'm sure taking some time out to paint will help.

    Thinking of you and your family, and wishing you all the best,
    Keith

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  6. Thank you Keith... for taking the time to respond so positively and as usual... thoughtfully!

    More than ever... your comments and wisdom are much appreciated more than you can possibly know.

    I will indeed attempt to keep up with my painting. It is a comfort... but as you can well appreciate... it takes a clear mind and peaceful soul. Mine is neither at this troubling time. I promise to persevere though! Thank you again Keith!

    Good Painting!
    Warmest regards,
    Bruce

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  7. Ah, Bruce...I am so sorry to hear of this news! I am so glad Allie has you, her mom, and Deb...and of course, her brother and her friends in her corner. She will come through, if not unscathed (obviously), then stronger and richer for sure. As her dad, I can truly understand the paralysis this news precipitated. It would me as well. I am so glad she has begun treatment for the sooner the better against this scourge.

    Your lilac liturgy is gorgeous!

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  8. Thank you Sherry for your presence and words of comfort and caring.

    They do much to deepen my resolve to get on with the battle at hand... and to "ride" at the easel. Both are necessary!

    Warmest regards and thanks,
    Bruce

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  9. Our family was hit by similar news (in our case leukaemia) and it was a terrible time, especially at the beginning. We are now 18 months on and things are looking so much better and our family has pulled together throughout this horrible time and we are all stronger than ever. I am glad you have such a strong family too and I hope the outcome for Allison is as good as ours has been.

    I too found it really difficult to paint, especially for the first 12 months, but as things looked up, I was back to normal (although slightly changed).

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  10. Thanks Rolina for sharing your own cancer shrouded family journey here on my blog!

    It is somewhat comforting to know that you aren't totally alone with this experience... and that others understand.

    Thank you for your reassuring words. Hope that your "good" outcome continues for your family member!

    Good Painting!
    Warmest regards,
    Bruce

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  11. Know that you are not alone both in spirit and experience. Sending Allison healing thoughts and following seas for the journey ahead. You and your family are in our thoughts. Be well...and keep swinging them eh!!

    Sincerely,
    Jeffrey

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  12. Dear Friend Jeffrey!... Thank you ever so much for your soothing words of encouragement and support. You'll never fully know how very much they mean to me and my family at this challenging moment in our journeys.

    Family... Friends ... and health. Are there any greater blessings in this short life??? I think not.

    And I feel deeply blessed! Thank you again!

    Good Painting!
    Warmest regards,
    Bruce

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  13. Wishing Allison my very best wishes for a full recovery. It does sounds so scary but so many folk are coming through and making a full recovery. It is amazing what the medical profession are doing to save lives. Rest assured all will be well!

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  14. Thank you Lass!... For your visit and supportive words. They mean a lot to me and my family!

    I have learned so much more about this dreadful disease and have grown to understand and respect the tremendous knowledge and commitment of the cancer caregivers... at each and every level of the profession.

    Good Painting!
    Warmest regards,
    Bruce

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  15. I am at a loss for words for you at this stressful time. Please know though that I am thinking healing thoughts for you all. Supportive hugs and best wishes my friend.

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  16. Dear Lisa!... Thank you for your visit and words of consolation and encouragement!

    "Healing thoughts"... and the presence of true friends are the best medicine at such trying times! Thank your for being fully present Lisa. I much appreciate your words!

    Good Painting!
    Warmest regards,
    Bruce

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  17. Bruce, I send love and encouragement to Allie, you and your family and friends. Many the time I've sat waiting for my mamo results wondering …what if…
    I believe that she will make a full recovery and I am completely in your corner.
    Hugs to you, dear friend and the lilac row is wonderful.

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  18. Good Morning Mary!... Thank you for your love and presence... it indeed makes a commencement towards "recovery" possible for Allison... and our entire Family.

    I too believe... that her recovery will be complete. She possesses a tremendous spirit and intellect which is already fully in gear. "Chemo Road" is a long and trying journey though, but we are gratefully now well under way.

    Hugs back to you Mary... for caring!

    Good Painting!
    Warmest regards,
    Bruce

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